24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
