ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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