So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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