im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
