Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
