just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize