just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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