Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
