If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
