From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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