I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize