i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
