Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
