my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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