but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
