He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
