Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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