I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
