Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
