My room smells like vodka and shame
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize