He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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