I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize