so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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