i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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