I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
