Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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