talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
