Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize