he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The best revenge is premature balding
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My life is pants optional.
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