Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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