I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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