you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
