This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Someone came in the potted fern
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
