bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
