He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
