if you like me you must not know who I am
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize