So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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