Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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