Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
