im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
