I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
