im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
