She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
