i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you had me at cake vodka
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
