Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
