Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize