Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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