You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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