I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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