when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
