He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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