didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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