Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
