they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
