Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Michael Bay diarrhea
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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