Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
