I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
