sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
