it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
