Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
