Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
