You smell like stripper and shame
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
