New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
