He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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