just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
