whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
