I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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