I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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