She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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