Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
