Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
