just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
