so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
