I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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