so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
